


The Same Old Crap

by Izout



Category: Stand By Me (1986)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-20
Updated: 2013-07-20
Packaged: 2017-12-20 20:37:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/891588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Izout/pseuds/Izout
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tired of starring in the same stories over and over again, the boys decide to rebel. Only to discover what kind of world they REALLY live in</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. That's it!

_Another_  Fanfiction parody. Probably my last one for a while. What can I say, I love writing these. Plus, I think it's an interesting idea to try out.

* * *

After finishing putting away the rest of her stuff away, 12 year old Marcie James decided to go for a walk around Castle Rock, her new home. Well actually, that half the reason. The other half was that she wanted to get away from her bitch of a mother, who was a very controlling woman who wanted her daughter to follow in her footsteps. But Marcie didn't want to be like her mother, she wanted to be her own person; Be Marcie James.

Marcie's agonized musings were broken when she accidently bumped into someone and fell flat on her bottom. As she was rubbing her sore keister, she saw a hand appear in front of her. When she look up to see whose hand it was, she saw it belong to a boy, a very handsome boy. Fuck handsome, he was HOT!

He was wearing a tight white t-shirt that was showing that he was developing some muscles. He had tanned skin, dirty blond hair in a buzz cut, and oceanic blue eyes that seem to sparkle in the sunlight. And the way the sun shone down on him, reflecting in his hair and lighting up his eyes made him look like was being bathed in some kind of heavenly glow. She was staring at him for so long, she almost forgot to take his hand.

"Uh… thanks." Marcie muttered under her breath as she took his hand let him help her back on her feet.

"No problem." He replied. "You new around here?" The boy asked her.

"Yeah, I just moved her recently and decided to take a look around." Marcie answered his question. "I'm Marcie James, by the way." She stuck out her hand for a handshake.

"Chris Chambers." He shook her hand, and when she did, she felt something akin to electricity shoot through her and felt butterflies in her stomach. Could she be…? No, she couldn't. After her parents' nasty divorce, it had left her views on love jaded. There was no way she could be falling for this boy, but she wouldn't mind seeing more of him around.

"Well, it was nice meeting you, see ya." And with that, Chris started walking away, causing Marcie to break from her inner monologue.

"Hey, wait, you're just leaving?" She was confused, this normally didn't happen in these kinds of stories.

"Uh… yeah." Chris replied, slowly turning his head back to look at her.

"But, aren't you supposed to invite me over you guys' tree house?" She demanded. He seemed to be breaking the rules of fic.

"Why?" Chris asked her, a confused look on his face. "I've known you for like…" Chris then looked up at the sun, checking its position in the sky, before looking back at her. "Thirty seconds. Why would I just up and invite you to our tree house…." Then Chris' eyes looked down a bit, his pupils flickering a bit, than he looked up as if something just hit him. "Come to think of it, how do you even  _know_  about the tree house? Isn't that thing supposed to be a secret or something?" Chris just shook his head, swearing if Vern spilled the beans or something.

"Chris, you're not following the plot structure," Marcie started to explain. "We meet, get the know each other, then you invite me to you guys' tree house where I get to meet the rest of the gang. While there, we all bond and I become the group's girl, and I sit there explaining my life to you guys, while the author drops heavy hints that you and I like each other and…"

"Stop!" Chris shouted with a panicked look on his face. "No man, you stay away. Ju-Just stay away from me!" Chris stuttered as he backed away slowly, his arms and hands shot out to shield himself away from her.

"Chris?" Marcie asked him, concern lacing her voice. She took a step forward…

"No! Stay back! Stay the fuck back! Stay away from me!" With that, Chris ran the other direction, like a bat out of hell.

"Boys." Marcie muttered as she rolled her eyes and walked away.

* * *

"Hey Chambers, what's wrong with you?" Teddy Duchamp asked as he and the other guys, Gordie Lachance and Vern Tessio, were on their way to the tree house on top of the hill when they saw a pale, sweaty, and breathless Chris running towards them. "You look like you were being chase by a werewolf or something."

"Worse," Chris told him as he caught up them, placing his hands on his knees as he attempt to speak and catch his breath at the same time. "I bump into one of  _them_."

"Who, the Cobras?" Vern inquired. Chris just shook his head.

"No,  _them_." To emphasize his point, Chris struck a feminine pose, then turn around, wrapping his arms around him and making kissing noise. Gordie caught on immediately.

"Oh,  _them_ , was it just an OC… or a Mary Sue?" Gordie asked Chris as he look him dead in the eye.

"I don't know I didn't stick around long enough to be able to distinguish." Chris answered him, having finally caught his breath. "Man, I don't feel like doing another Romance story. My lips are still sore from the last one."

"Well, I suppose we could just relax in our tree house for the rest of the day." Vern offered as he pointed to the tree house. The others agreed and they all made their way to tree house. Once they got inside, they saw they had a visitor.

"What the hell?" Chris demanded as they stared at the strange girl sitting in their tree house.

"'What the hell' what? What's up with you guys?" The girl asked them.

"What's up with us? Who the fuck are you?" Teddy asked her. He didn't say it in a mean way, nor was he angry, he was just genuinely curious to who she was.

"Ha! You guys are funny. It's me, Janice, your best friend." She explained to them.

"You are?" Vern asked, confused about the whole thing, In fact, all of the boys were.

"Uh… yeah, I'm the group's gal. Plus me, Gordie, and Chris have pretty much been Best Friends Forever since we were little kids." Chris and Gordie look at each other, than Chris turned to her to speak.

"I'm sorry, but me and Gordie have never seen you before in our lives." Chris explained to her. Janice just shrugged her shoulders.

"Whatever. Come on guys, let's get going." Janice got up to get to the trap door, but the boys blocked her.

"Go where?" Gordie asked her.

"To find Ray Browers, of course." Janice said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"But we already found Ray Browers." Teddy explained flatly, having now figured out what plot there were in.

"I know, but the author wants you guys to find Ray Browers again, but with me tagging along." Janice shrugged her shoulders.

"Why?" Teddy inquired, though truthfully, he knew the reason why.

"The author wants to find out what would happen if a girl had accompanied you guys there."

"But… we already know what would happen if a girl came along. The same thing that happens every time a girl comes along: The entire movie gets retold word-by-word, scene-by-scene,  _dialogue-by-dialogue_ , with you awkwardly shoved around the story." Teddy explained. "You know, I never got the appeal of these stories. Most of the people reading these stories have probably already seen the movie; else they wouldn't be reading these stories in the first place, so just telling the movie  _again_  just seems like a waste of time."

"But that's not all that going to happen. They will be some differences."

"Like what?" Teddy asked her.

"Well, for one thing, Gordie won't be narrating, I will be."

"But it's my story! The entire movie was pretty much just me as an adult reminiscing about our adventure!" Gordie exclaimed.

"But  _I'm_  telling it this time. Also, some of the dialogue will be switched around, with some original dialogue added in. Also, the story will continue on from our adventure. And me and Chris will hook up, and Gordie will get a girlfriend too. And we'll see how Junior High and High School affects our relationships, and-"

"Yeah, we're not doing that." Chris cut her as he pushed her through the trap door, causing her to fall and land on the ground below with a thud and a sickening crunch. The boys look down at her in sympathy… then just shut the trap door, sitting down on the floor.

"I can't take it anymore guys." Chris was the first one to speak.

"Take what?" Vern asked.

"This!" Chris waved his arms around, motioning the surrounding. "These plots. Why are so many of these writers obsessed with shoving girls into our lives and making me fall in love with them? Sure I'm a nice guy, but I'm not some hopeless romantic with all these idealized visions of love, chocolate, and flowers."

"Yeah and how come whenever you're in a relationship, I have to take a back seat to you and your girl whenever I'm in a relationship? What's wrong with me? I think it would be nice if I got to play the lead in a Romance story that's not a slash."

"There shouldn't be so much Romance period!" Exclaimed an angry Teddy, "Yeah, I get why people would want to write romances, but romance had jack shit to do with our movie!"

"Teddy's right. The stories around here have gotten stale because so many of these writers are too fixated on only one genre or telling the same plot over and over again. There needs to be a change." Gordie said with finality.

"Hey, you guys, I got it. Let's rebel." Chris threw out.

"Rebel?" Gordie asked.

"Yeah," Teddy exclaimed, his fist pumping the air. "Let's make a statement. We're not going to let them push us around. We're not their puppets. We're not going to star in the same story over and over again. We're going to be our own characters!"

"I don't know you guys. Without these stories, what are we suppose to do with ourselves?" Vern asked, bringing up a good point.

"Anything we want. We were around long before most of these writers were born. We don't need them to have a life. We're our own men!" Teddy exclaimed.

"Yeah!" Both Gordie and Chris cheered.

"But-!"

"No buts, we're doing this! Come on Verno." Teddy said as the boys got up and, one-by-one, went through the trap door and down the ladder, then walked over Janice's body.

All four boys inhale and exhale. So this is life outside the lines.

**To Be Continued….**


	2. School Life

Second chapter here. Was originally planning on making this a one-shot, but decided to make this a chapter fic. This will be three chapters long. Now, onto to chapter two!

* * *

The boys were so ecstatic; they could barely contain their excitement. It's exhilarating, this whole rebelling thing. No more dealing with random girls with a sob story, no more falling in love with your best friend, no more backstabbing, no more tests of loyalty, no more betrayal, no more having sex at the age of twelve. Just freedom, freedom, freedom, freedom, freedom! So very much free!

"So… now what?" Vern was the first one of the gang to ask. The other three open their mouths to speak, and then suddenly paused. Their faces scrunched up in confusion, because when they really thought about it, they had no idea they were going to do. It can be hard, having to make up your own mind about things. You have so many choices, they could take a nap, go for a walk around the woods, roll a hoop with a stick, start a baseball card collection, go swimming, make a ship in a bottle, read a book. Choices that lead to other choices.

Afterwards, Teddy, Gordie, and Chris just sat down on the ground. Vern stared at them for a bit, then joined them. All four sat Indian style, their faces resting in their palms while their elbows rested on their knees.

"Wow, I'm totally lost on what to do." Chris spoke out.

"Maybe we go back into the tree house?" Teddy suggested.

"Nah," Gordie replied, shaking his head, "All we ever do in there is play cards, read comics, make out, and bang whichever girl these authors want us too. It's all we ever do in there."

There was some more silence.

"Plus, we might run into another one of those girls in there." Chris lamented. "But, hey, at least we're free."

"But what good does it do?" Vern asked. "Sure, we're not listening to the Fanfic writers now, but without them, there's not much to do. And if you think about it, the weather's not gonna change, the month's not gonna change, the time's never gonna change. It could presumably be June twenty-sixth, two PM in the afternoon, forever and ever and ever."

The other three stared at Vern in shock.

"Holy shit Vern, when did you get so smart?" Teddy asked him.

"Yeah, no offense, but we always thought you were stupid." Chris added.

"I was never stupid guys; it was the Fanfic writers that make me stupid. There is a difference between being naïve and being an idiot." Vern told them.

"We could go to school." Gordie offered, receiving funny looks from the others. "What, it's not like we have anything better to do."

"Yeah, I suppose we could do that." Teddy said rolling his eyes. "I never thought I see a day where doing school work would be considered exciting." Teddy muttered under his breath.

"Alright, I guess it's decided then, we're going to school." Chris got up, motioning the others to do the same.

"So, how do you guys actually want to get there? You wanna travel there, or do you want to do a Jump Cut?" Gordie asked the others?

"Jump Cut? What's that?" Chris asked.

"Oh, usually when authors want to transition to another scene or skip over the boring parts they don't want to write about like us getting ready for school, mowing the lawn, or driving a car, they draw a line between the sentences."

"I guess we could try that."

* * *

"Whoa, it works!" Chris exclaimed as all four boys looked around their new surrounds. They saw in front of them stood two schools. Two brick buildings, one named Castle Rock Junior High, the other Castle Rock High School.

"'Castle Rock Junior High' 'Castle Rock High School'? And the Academy Award for most Creative Names goes to…" Teddy said sarcastically. All four boys shrugged and walked into Castle Rock High School. As soon as they step through the door, they suddenly felt different. As they were walking, Chris looks at his arm and noticed something.

"Whoa, guys, check out my muscles." Chris said as he looked down at his new muscular body, but as soon as he did that, a curtain of long dirty blond hair covered his eyes. "What the hell? Oh my God, check us out!" Chris pointed to the window they were standing in front of, looking at their reflections.

Chris suddenly had huge bulging muscles all over his body and his hair was now every long. Vern, also, suddenly gained a muscular body and his face had slim down, but still had aspect of the old Vern. Gordie suddenly had long gangly limps, a really skinny body, messy brown hair, and longer eye lashes. And Teddy… looked kinda still the same, but his hair was longer and his voice deepened.

In short, all four boys had suddenly become teenagers.

Freaked out, the four ran outside and as soon as they were out the door, they suddenly turned back into their twelve year old selves.

"Hey, have you guys ever notice how we never get to be kids a lot in these stories?" Teddy asked the other as soon as he calm down. "It's like; we're usually teenagers, fifteen or sixteen being the average. Or we start out as kids, but then BOOM we're teenagers. Where's the in-between? What happen? What, did aliens visit our town and fast forward time? Or did Vern do something to fuck up the Time-Space Continuum?"

"Why would I do that?" Vern asked Teddy.

"Cause Verno, you probably saw some kind of time controlling doohickey lying on the ground, and messed around with it, thinking it was a Pez Dispenser or something." Teddy explained while rolling his eyes.

"I hate you." Vern muttered.

"I don't know, Teddy." Chris spoke up. "Wanna try it again?" The others shook their heads 'Yeah' because really, it's not like they had anything better to do. So, the four boys walked back into the high school, turning back into teenagers.

"So, what class should we go to?" Gordie asked the group. The boys walked over to a few classroom doors, peaked inside, and saw that a lot of them were empty.

"Oh, you kids didn't think people actually go to high school to  _learn_ , did you?" Called out a scruffy voice. The boys jumped and turned their heads to see an older bald man wearing a uniform and holding a broom. From what he was wearing, they assumed he was the janitor.

"What do you mean?" Chris asked him.

"This is fictional high school, not realistic high school; nobody ever actually goes to class unless it's convenient for the plot." The janitor explained.

"If people don't actually go to class… than what  _do_  we do here?" Gordie asked.

The janitor shrugged his shoulders. "You put your books in your lockers, go to lunch, you put your books back into your lockers, than go to the school dance. And  _maaaaaaybe_  go to Graduation."

"That's it?" Teddy asked incredulously.

"Yep."

"And what do we do in these stories?" Chris asked, gesturing to the gang. The janitor rubbed his chin before speaking.

"Well Mister Chambers, you are portrayed as some kind of Chick Magnet who dates, and probably sleeps with, half the girls in this school, yet by some miracle you're not a walking STD farm or the father to how many babies. Oh, and the teachers all hate you.

Mister Tessio here doesn't get featured much, but he's portrayed as Mister Duchamp's sidekick, does sports, and meets some girl who he knocks up; staying faithful to that aspect of the movie.

Mister Duchamp here is his usual loony self."

"Hey!" An offended Teddy shouted. The janitor continued on as if he didn't hear him.

"And Mister Lachance here is portrayed as a nerd in everything but named. Oh, and a whiny drama queen if it's a slash. If you four want to go to class, go ahead and be my guest." The janitor tend sweep the floor, leaving the boys.

"Well, I'm going to class. Plus, this is getting boring." Teddy announced as he walked down the hallway. Vern followed him.

"Well, come on Gordo." Chris ushered his best friend as they walked into a random classroom that had some students and a teacher in it.

"Well, it's nice of you two to join us Mister Lachance and Mister Chambers." The teacher said sarcastically as Gordie and Chris took their seats and a few students snickered. "Now then…" And then suddenly at the moment, the teacher froze. In fact, all of the students did, except for Gordie and Chris.

Chris and Gordie looked around. Chris then waved his hand in front of a fellow student's face. Still nothing.

"Chris? Sho-Should we call a doctor or something?" Gordie asked him, turning to look at him.

"I-I-I don't know." Chris replied, looking at Gordie.

"Mister Lachance, if you would kindly stop making eyes at Mister Chambers." The teacher suddenly spoke, causing the two to nearly jump out of their seats, and making the other students giggle quietly. "Now as I was saying…" Then the teacher froze again, as did the rest of the students.

"This is creepy." Gordie uttered.

If you are wondering how it's going in Teddy's and Vern's class… how many stories ever  _really_  focus on their classroom moments?

**To Be Continued...**


	3. Realizations and Solutions

The last chapter. Thanks everyone who read this. I had fun writing it.

* * *

School passed by pretty quickly, mainly because it just like the janitor said, all they ever do there is take stuff from their lockers, put stuff away, and go to lunch. While at lunch, Gordie and Chris met these two girls there who they thought could be good friends. One was a girl who was from the View who was sick of the stereotype people gave her because of where she came from. The other was her best friend who was almost the complete opposite to her best friend personality-wise, which seems a little strange, but she could get serious when the occasion called for it. As soon as they started talking about prom, Gordie and Chris put two-and-two together and realized they were being set up to be their love interests, so they ran out of the cafeteria as fast as they could.

Once the other students had left the building, the boys did too, turning back into their twelve year old selves once they step through the door.

"So, how was school?" Teddy asked Gordie and Chris.

"Not much happen, teachers and students would randomly freeze on occasion, only to unfreeze to be a dick to me. Had to fight ever urge in my body to push Gordie up against a wall and kiss him until we couldn't breathe anymore when we went to the bathroom." Chris explained. "You?"

"Nothing happen. Literally. Literally nothing happen. Me and Verno pretty much just went into a random classroom and did NOTHING. I never realized not many fics ever focus on what WE do when we're in class." Teddy explained to Chris. The boys continued walking until they reached the cross in the road.

"Well, see you guys around." Vern said.

"See ya." Gordie said.

* * *

"Well, I ready get home." Teddy said, stretching a bit and stifling a yawn. "Doing nothing takes a lot out of you."

"See ya man." Chris said.

* * *

"I better get home too." Chris told Gordie. "Skin it." And the two did. "Hey, Gordo, where did you learn that Jump Cut trick anyway?"

"Oh, I saw it in an episode of SpongeBob." Gordie explained.

"What's SpongeBob?" Chris asked.

* * *

Gordie slapped his forehead. ' _Oh no, I forgot, its Nineteen Fifty-Nine, SpongeBob won't come out for another forty years! Eh, whatever, not like most fanfics ever try to be historically accurate._ '

* * *

Gordie then appeared in front of his house. As soon as he opened the door, he saw his father and mother standing there in the entrance.

"Gordon, dinner is on the stove." Mr. Lachance told his son.

"But Dad, it's only two pm."

"O-Oh, well, why can't you be more like Denny? Denny would never… uh… uh…" For the first time in his life, Mr. Lachance looked confused. In fact, both Mr. and Mrs. Lachance looked, confused, and lost, like they had no idea what they were doing.

"Mom? Dad? Are you guys okay?" Gordie asked his parents.

"W-W-We're not sure dear." explained Mrs. Lachance. "All we ever do in these stories is feed you, ignore you, and make comparisons between you and Denny."

"Actually, I do the comparisons." Noted Mr. Lachance. "Oh wait; you aren't in some kind of relationship with Chris- I mean, that Chambers boy, are you?" Mr. Lachance corrected himself, since he never calls Chris by his actual name in these stories. It's always either 'that Chambers boy' 'that friend of yours' or just 'him'.

"No Dad, in fact, there actually hasn't been that much slash recently."

There was an awkward silence between the three for a few minutes before Mrs. Lachance spoke.

"You know what dear? Why don't we just break character just this once?" Mrs. Lachance offered an idea to her husband. Mr. Lachance shrugged.

"I don't see why not." And with that, Mr. Lachance gave Gordie a big hug, tears streaming down his worn out face. "Oh Gordon, I never say this a lot, but I love you son."

"Dad!" Gordie exclaimed. Mrs. Lachance hugged Gordie too, and the family shared their first family hug in forever.

* * *

Chris was just about to open the door to his house when someone walked up behind him, and ruffled his hair playfully.

"What the hell- Eyeball?" Yes, it was Chris' brother Eyeball. Chris then raised his fist, getting ready to defend himself.

"Relax Bro, I heard about your whole 'Rebelling' thing and I want in on that too."

"Really?"

"Yeah, acting like a dick to you and your friends day in and day out gets boring, as well as being Ace's generic henchman." With that, the brothers walked in the house and were surprised at what they saw.

"Chris! Eyeball! Welcome home boys, I wasn't expecting you to be here this early." exclaimed Mr. Chambers, who was sitting in the middle of the living room, doing meditation. He was wearing a silky robe.

"Dad?" Chris asked.

"Are you drunk?" Eyeball asked.

"Nah, I'm not scheduled to be a drunken asshole today, so I'm doing meditation." Mr. Chambers explained with a warm smile.

"Why?" Chris asked his father.

"All I ever do in these stories is get drunk and beat you and your brother, so what else am I suppose to do all day?" Mr. Chambers answered.

"Or me?" Mrs. Chambers asked as she walked into the room. "I never play much of a role in Fanfiction, so I spend my time working on my cooking skills." With that, Mrs. Chambers revealed a four course meal: A golden-brown turkey, mashed potatoes, greens, biscuits, corn-on-the cob, and milk.

"Whoa, Mom, where did all this food come from?" Eyeball asked.

"And why four plates?" Chris asked, motioning to the four plates on the table. "What about the rest of our family?"

"Frank still in jail and all your little brothers and sisters never get featured enough in these stories so why bother making plates for them?" said Mrs. Chambers. "And besides, they're only in the book, this is the movie."

"Not that it stop these writers from mixing and matching the two, though." Said Mr. Chambers as he went to make himself a plate.

* * *

Not bothering showing what's happening at the Duchamp or Tessio households because, really, how many fics ever  _really_  focus on Teddy's and Vern's home lives?

* * *

Vern Tessio was sitting on a tree trunk by the Castle Rock river. He was there because he was depressed about something… and because this is one of the few times he could be at the river and not worry about walking in on Gordie and Chris while they were having a half naked, hot and steamy make out session. He sighed as he looked at his reflection in the water when his older brother Billy walked up to him and sat down beside him.

"Hey little brother, what's wrong?" Billy asked him, concern in his eyes. Vern was confused by this since Billy rarely acts likes he likes Vern. Maybe Billy only being this way because he's not schedule to be in a fic where he's being a dick to him.

"Just thinking." Vern replied.

"About what?"

"About… how it isn't fair." Vern explained.

"What's not fair?" Billy asked.

"How come I never get to be the main character in a story?" Vern asked. "I'm one of the main characters in the movie, I appear in all sorts of photography, and if you think about, I'm the whole reason we even went on that Ray Brower trip in the first place! Yet, I'm always just the Fat Kid, Teddy's sidekick, obsessing over food, or barely even being featured! It's not fair. I mean, even Eyeball Chambers have more stories than me. EYEBALL CHAMBERS! That asshole was pretty much just a secondary character, why come he appears in more stories than me?" Vern moaned in frustration.

"You really want to know?" Billy asked his little brother.

"Yeah!"

"Angst. It's the angst Vern. These writers are all addicted to tragedy." Billy explained. "We're defined more by what's been done to us in the past than by what we're like now. If you've been abused in the past, they're all over it. Abandoned by a parent, ditched by everyone you've ever trusted – even better. Look at your friends: Lachance lost his brother and his folks ignore him. Chambers has the whole town looking down on him because of who his family is, and his dad a violent drunk. Even Duchamp has the whole thing with his dad being in Togas and his ear. And you… don't have any kind of problems."

"Wait? You're saying because I'm the most normal of the group, that's why nobody writes about me?" Billy nodded his head. "Sincerely?! All of a sudden, a person needs to have a tragic past to be interesting or likeable!?"

"'Fraid so little bro. Why do you think so many of these Mary Sues have them?"

"But you're a Cobra!"

"Come on Vern, you know most of these writers don't give a shit about our home life… unless it's a 'Girl in the Cobras' story, and even then, it's just regulated to me being a dick to you."

Vern got up, a look of determination on his face. "That's it, something needs to change."

* * *

All four boys meet up outside the tree house.

"Hey guys, I'm sorry about this whole rebelling thing." Chris apologized as he nervously scratched the back of his head. "I guess I didn't think this whole thing through."

"Don't blame yourself man, nobody could have known it would have turn out this way." Gordie tried to cheer up his best friend.

"I guess we really do need these Fanfic writers." Teddy said. "But, man, I don't want to go back to the way things were." Teddy then kicked the ground.

"Me either. I don't want to go back to being the Stupid one." Whined Vern. Gordie suddenly perked up.

"Hey, guys, I have an idea. It's risky, but it just might work." Gordie then huddled the guys up so he could explain his plan to them. After a minute, the other three were nodding their heads and smiling.

"Give it a shot Gordo, what's the worst it could do?" Chris encouraged him.

* * *

_Beep Beep_

After locking her car, the Fanfiction Author happily skipped up her drive way, to her porch, and reach for her keys. She had just gone to Taco Bell to get two Five Layer Beefy Burritos and a medium drink as her victory dinner to celebrate her accomplishment. She had written her first Stand By Me fanfic and she was going to published it tonight, then check her email tomorrow to see if she had gotten any reviews. She wanted to get her food ready, so she could proofread the final chapter before submitting, for she had written a thirty chaptered epic and she wanted to give the readers out there a small taste, before she would upload the rest.

What could she say, she was a review whore. She had just gotten into the kitchen and placed her food down before she looked up and saw she had a visitor.

"Oh my God! Wil Wheaton, I-I-I- Wow, I never thought I see you here in my lovely little home." The Author said nervously as she saw the actor in her house. When she took a closer look at him, she saw that he was clean shaven, as opposed to having his regular beard. And he looked young.  _Really young_. When she took a closer look, she realized she was not  _just_  looking at Wil Wheaton.

"G-Gordie?" She croaked.

"Hi." He said shyly.

"But-But how? What's going on?" She asked as she took a step closer to him.

"I came here to see you." Gordie said, smiling at her.

"Me? But why?"

"Oh, I heard you were planning on submitting a new Stand By Me fic, and I took the time to read it and give you my personal thoughts on it, from one writer to another." Gordie explained to her, bringing out her laptop.

"Really?" Gordie nodded. "Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!" The Fanfiction Author then took a seat. "Come on, let's hear this out."

"Okay." And then Gordie's face went from smiling to looking at her as if she were stupid. "What the hell is this? Ace's sister?  _Ace's sister?!_ Why would we want to hang out with someone related to the jackass that picks on us and tried to kill my best friend?"

The Fanfiction Author stood up to defend her story.

"Now hold on one minute here, you hang out Chris despite the reputation of his family." She said. "And besides, my intention is to do a Dual Suffering storyline, showing you guys aren't the only ones who have to deal with Ace's crap."

"Oh, no no, I agree. I think it's a good idea on paper, a 'We're not so different, you and I' type thing, but I don't see this story working without making your character seem like a Mary Sue." Gordie spat out the last two words.

"Wh-What do you mean?" The Fanfiction Author demanded.

"Well, for one thing, you constantly mention in the beginning of the story how beautiful she is. Over and over again. Also, we just let her into our gang, no problem. I never got why you writers have us invite every Tom, Dick, and Harry we meet into our gang? You think we would have some reservations about letting a new comer in."

"Yeah, I always found that weird too."

"Plus, you have me acting like a lovesick puppy over her, while Chris acts like a sex-crazed little animal. You honestly only put in that Drive-In scene to make me jealous, didn't you?"

"Hmm, how do you know she won't hook up with Chris?" She asked him.

"I read the whole story; I know she gets together with me. Plus, you wrote in your author's note in the first chapter you thought there were too many Chris and OC love stories and you wanted me to have a turn." Damn, she was planning on putting Gordie/OC in the summary of the story, she thought to herself.

"And her past." Gordie said, interrupting her thoughts.

"What about her past?" She asked.

"I saw that you hadn't quite figured out her past yet, but let me guess, she either have super controlling parents that she really doesn't like, easy going parents that she feels don't care enough, parents who ignore her, a struggling single mother or father whose nasty divorce has left her view on love jaded, or she might even be dealing with an alcoholic parent or two, who maybe beats her. And the sexual tension…"

"What's wrong with the sexual tension?"

"There's none. You have us admitting we're in love with each other by Chapter eight. When you have the characters get together too early, you give the readers nothing else to look forward too. Plus, the story really could have ended at Chapter fifteen. I mean, all the loose ends were all tied up, if there were any loose ends to tie up, and the rest of the story is just us saying we love each other, making out, and 'doing it'. I mean, I don't mind fluff and sex scenes as much as the next guy, even though I'm not into that romantic shit, but I feel the intimate situations should serve the plot. And be convincing."

The Fanfiction Author couldn't look Gordie in the eye. He felt a little sorry for her, but continued on.

"Speaking about the plot... I admit, there are some good ideas here, but you must work on them. For example, this scene where this girl gets hurt after a run-in with the Cobras and me patching her up isn't a bad idea, but it's clear the whole thing was done so she could end up at my house and see me shirtless since you mention I sleep wearing nothing but my underwear. And it was very convenient that my parents weren't home at the time. You need a proper plot."

"And I suppose you have ideas?" The Fanfiction Author asked a bored tone in her voice.

"Yeah, I do. Make a pot of coffee, Black, then let's delete everything you just written. The whole 'Girl who appears on the scene, meets our gang, and falls in love with one of us' is the most clichéd and overdone storyline ever. Especially since half of these girls aren't interesting characters or add a new dynamic to our gang."

"Okay Okay, fine fine." Huffed the Fanfiction Writer, admitting defeat. Then she thought of something. "Hey, wait, should you even be drinking coffee? You're twelve years old."

"I'm a twenty-seven year old movie character that just also happens to be a twelve year old boy." Gordie explained.

"I guess that makes sense." She said, even though she wasn't completely convinced.

"You better make the coffee strong. I suspect this will take all night." Gordie said as he cracked his knuckles.

**The End**

A/N: And no, in case anyone is wondering, the Fanfiction Author is not me, I'm a boy. And I'm not one of those who people who secretly wishes they were a girl.


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